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YIXUAN
 15 jan 1990

Yixuan Soh



Live While We're Young - One Direction



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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

It's being a long while since I last blogged, and here I am. This IS going to be somewhat emo.

I feel like a failure, both academically and in relationships. I don't know why but I supposed today sort of affected me quite badly.

Firstly, about academics, I just don't understand why am I not scoring? This is so annoying! I don't do well in Maths (shocker!!), I don't do well in MATLAB (some retarded programming shit), I didn't score as well for a freaking easy Physics paper, I doubt I can pass Chemical Engineering Principles. All these problems are bogging down very heavily on me. I don't even know where to start my cleaning up. I don't understand lectures, I need help for my assignments, I spend so much time on lab reports just to get back Bs. I totally feel like giving up. Sometimes I agree that having a very very close friend can help but I think I haven't found that friend yet.

Also, why can't I find someone who is willing to be my listening ear every time I feel down? I can be one to others but weirdly, I can't find any for myself. I just totally suck at friendships. People outcast me in their cliques, people only find me when they need my help, people just treating me as someone to cover up for another person. I really don't understand why did it come down to this. I used to think I found a close group of friends, but because of something I didn't do, they based their judgment on another person's objective, and I got kicked out. I just somehow can't take it that they are all having fun laughing and HTHT-ing around me, and yet I am the one who have to sit aside and watch them enjoy.

Lastly, it's about boy-girl relationships. It's a bit weird to be typing this because I have no idea who will be reading but I need to get it off my chest, and I can't find any other better options to do so. If you have no interest in me at all, I think it would be better if you don't come looking for me. It's getting very hard to move on when you pop by my life every once in a while. And you know I don't clique well with them, so please kindly don't ask me to study with them. Even though, yes I am jealous that you keep hanging out with them, but yet I can't get the courage to get it out. Okay, I think I sound stupid and contradictory, but that's the thing about relationships. One side is always getting the harder hit. Maybe I should just come clean and risk the friendship, since I suck at maintaining friendships. I do not want to miss the chance as such opportunity don't come twice.

Yixuan
22:07